thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
