Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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