We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
