How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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