Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
