i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
