Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
