somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
