ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
high people should be assigned attendants
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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