Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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