I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
