How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
