she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
