Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
