The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
