Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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