I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
