The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
