Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
