dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
