Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just google imaged poop.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
its liver damage thursday
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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