an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
