I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
