Sry I called you an 8
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
