Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
