so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
