I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
