I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
