I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
40s are totally the cure
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
