Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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