Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i want to swaddle you in tequila
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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