she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
