I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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