um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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