I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
