I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
