but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
