I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
