are you so shy because you have an std?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
