Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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