cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
