Me too!
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
