I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
