I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
