There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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