so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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