When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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