I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
