Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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