I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
