Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
