I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
